Welp, it's that time of the month again! No, silly...not THAT time of the month. The time of the month when some plucky, fresh-faced person sends me an e-mail and asks me how to get into radio and how I got my job. Listen here, brother. I'm not answering that again. Instead, I thought it would be a good idea to let those young go-getters know what it's like in radio.

1) 90% of radio people are not high maintenance. That's not to say we're low maintenance, either. We're lower than low maintenance. We're...sewage maintenance? Yeah. Burlap/potato sacks are a big chunk of our wardrobe. I can admit this: sometimes I'll wear the same sack twice in one week because who cares, amiright? I don't always brush my hair and rarely worry about covering my horrible skin issues. Because I don't see that wall judging me for my looks. That's why. We look passable enough to go pump some gas and buy a bag of Doritos after work. We're not horrible to look at, but most of the time we just don't give a crap. Of course, there's the other 10%, which is made up of devastatingly hot people in radio. Those people should either go to TV now or get punched by the 90%.

2) We're not the richest folks out there. That doesn't mean we're super poor, but when there is free food delivered to a radio station, we're like hawks picking at the carcass of whatever is left over from a sales meeting. Also, radio folks are regular people. Some are parents, some are buying houses, or some are paying off student loans for stupidly majoring in Top Ramen Physics and Not Giving a Crap About the News. So, yeah- we're going to accept those free t-shirts and that leftover pizza. Not because we're poor or cheap, but because who wouldn't want to eat a stale sandwich and wear a 2004 Limp Bizkit shirt sent from a label?

3) COFFEE.

3a) You know how athletes like to drink Gatorade? Or how rap stars like to invent energy drinks (oh, hey look! BOOM. Endorsed! www.skenergyshots.com/)? Well, for us to keep going, we need coffee. Not that we don't use Gatorade or the delicious and body moving SK Energy Shots *ding*, but coffee is like water for us. First of all, it's free...which harks right back up to number two. Second, we have to constantly stay on our toes creatively. I can't converse with an "imaginary" bear if I don't have a good pot of coffee under my belt. Okay, my belt is actually just a rope tied around my potato sack. *sad shrug* Coffee: wave of the future if the future knows what's best for it.
4) We've got references that will out-reference your best references. Whether it's nerd rage or just good ol' fashioned worthless knowledge, we're prepared to throw some bizarre trivia your way within a nano second. I'm pretty good with dead actors and comedians. Spanks can throw down some Markie Post and football.

5) We know how to handle people who hate us, then ask for free stuff, then complain about us after we give them free stuff. I'd like to say that's part of everyone's life, but it isn't. If you work with the public, then yes. It's not a normal office job.

"You guys suck. Can I have a shirt?"

"Why don't you play any rap? Can I take this? *grabs Green Day cd*"

"PLAY MORE SABBAAAAAATH! I want these tickets."

You'll need to know how to act like a lady in this job. A friggin' LADY.

Have I mentioned coffee? Yeah, coffee makes radio go.
(naughty words, gang)

So do you still want to work in radio? OK! Then go make me a pot of coffee, leave me an old sandwich, and drop off an application. Again, it never hurts to apply. Wait- where are you going? Why are you backing away from the computer?