Paris Jackson tried to commit suicide according to TMZ< the NY Post and other news sources. Michael Jackson’s only daughter apparently took a meat cleaver to her arm after going on twitter talking about her salty tears and quoting sad Beatles lyrics. She also called a suicide hotline who called 911, and she is reportedly on a 5150 72 hour psychiatric hold. Poor girl is only 15 and lost her freaky dad and now the family’s going through another public and embarrassing trial with AEG over responsibility for the singer’s death. She wasn’t allowed to go to a Marilyn Manson show. So sensitive, and sadly, life ain’t getting any easier.

One of the Gallaghers must be broke! Former Oasis singer Liam is spouting off about wanting to do a 20^th anniversary tour to celebrate 2 decades since the release of the bands debut album Definitely Maybe. He says there’s unfinished business with the group, oh I’m sure there is buddy, like uncashed paychecks and stadiums to fill with people who might buy some merch. Beady Eye and Noel Gallaghers High Flying birds are no Oasis, and though the brothers aren’t talking, they speak the same language when it comes to cash.

The new updates are coming!

In exactly one week, expect some news from Apple regarding full HD and retina displays in the lighter MacBook pros, as well as improved microphones and the other updates to the coveted macbook airs. Battery life is also improved with the slimmer design, running 50% longer. SO if you were going to plunk down for a new mac, wait at least a week to hear the official news, and Im sure the books will be on sale next month. I love consumerism!

The luckiest ginger of the day is Florence Welch! We know she can sing the pants off a eunich, but apparently she can also act. Word is she is in the running to take a major lead in the new Star Wars trilogy where Mark Hammill, Carrie Fisher and Harrison Ford are also reprising. Florence caught the eye of producers with her voice and stage presence, but word is the endlessly talented Flo is also a pretty sparkling thespian. She is going to Yoda the SH*T out the new Star Wars, as if I weren’t already her biggest fan. The only way I could love her more is if she were made of dark (side) chocolate, and I wouldn’t put it past her.

Full story HERE

Well I didn’t need to read or think about this for a moment! Michael Douglas almost died from huffing too much vag. The Behind the Candelabra star has admitted his stage 4 throat cancer came from too many bouts of the pussy face blues, it was caused by the HPV virus. He says from cunninlingus. I am sorry, I am so sorry. I guess he’s just trying to save your life, or your throat, from a formerly innocuous experience. And here I thought the biggest threat from oral was mouth herpes! I’m such a dolt.

Better than chocolate and peanut butter or ebony and ivory, no two things complement each other quite like coffee and cigarettes. But you can shove that butt up your butt as far as Starbucks goes! Whether you’re craving your morning skinny vanilla mocha or a nighttime doppio, there’s no puffin cigs within 25 feet of your favor local cappuccino factory. SO the only place you’ll find coffee and cigarettes together is in that Jimmy Eat World song.